The Art of Letting Go

"True love doesn't have a happy ending, because true love never ends. Letting go is one way of saying I love you." This quote from an unknown author exactly captures a thought that is often missed by most people – that letting go of someone you is love is also a way of expressing your love, sometimes even the best one. For many, letting go and moving on from a breakup is a process usually marked by pain and emotional struggle. As a help to these people, I want to offer a four-step guide on letting go which can be summarized into the acronym CARE. They are as follows. 

 

The first step in letting go of someone is…cry. This may be odd for some people, but crying actually helps a person release emotional tension and pain. Though it may seem to be a sign of weakness and sentimentalism, crying over a loss is in fact a perfectly normal part of being a human. It has even been proven that crying is essential to a person's psychological maturity. 

 

According to Ann Landers, "Hanging onto resentment is letting someone you despise live rent-free in your head." It is therefore important to let go of negative feelings such as anger, resentment, hatred, and unforgiveness. This can be done by letting out your anger, forgiving those who might have hurt you, or simply just by crying. But of course, the method used by each person in coping with negative emotions depends upon their personality type, attitudes, and beliefs. 

 

The next letter in our acronym CARE is A which corresponds to the word avoid. Yes, avoid your ex-lover and his mementos. Moving on is a psychological and emotional process, thus it involves the mind, will, and emotions which are all abstract and intangible elements. Nevertheless, physical activities are also integral to the process. An example of this is avoiding the person and the things that remind you of him. This is important so that it will become easier for you to forget the past and the painful memories associated with it. 

 

Many people say that avoiding someone is a sign of immaturity and bitterness, but I say that it is a mark of practicality and wisdom. Practicality because it is one of the easiest and most doable steps in letting go of someone; wisdom because it is a way of preventing further damage and pain. Seeing your former lover can bring out emotions and may cause you to do or say something you will regret, so it is most advisable for you to avoid him. 

 

Likewise, mementos such as pictures, letters, gifts, or anything that reminds you of the person should also be avoided. You have to give them away, put them away, or hide them until you are finally able to remember the relationship without longing for it to still be going strong. Remember the principle most often applied in advertising: Out of sight, out of mind. 

 

The main purpose of avoiding someone and his mementos is to help the mind and the heart refocus. This is the third step in letting go and corresponds to the letter R in our acronym CARE. Refocusing involves two steps: stop thinking about your ex-lover and think about other things. Why are they important? Psychology has an answer. 

 

Actually, love is not only an emotion; it is also a behavior, and just like any other behaviors which can be learned, love can also be unlearned. Some people learn to appreciate and like a person by thinking about his good qualities and always being with him. In due time, this feeling can turn into love. Likewise, this process can be reversed when the opposite is done. By training yourself not to think about the person, you will gradually learn to forget him. Besides, dwelling on the past only worsens the problem and intensifies the pain and burden of letting go. 

 

When you are tempted to think about your ex, try focusing your mind on other things, or better yet, think about the mean, rude, cruel things your ex may have done in your relationship. This is the essence of refocusing. If you can't stop thinking about him, think about his negative qualities. This will help ease the pain and make the process of moving on easier. 

 

The last letter in our acronym is E which corresponds to the word express. There are many ways to express your thoughts and feelings. You can write, draw, or paint. You can also talk with your close friends. They may get sick of hearing you talk about the breakup but you need to let out all your feelings and thoughts or they may come back to bite you later. You have to get everything out so that you won't hold it inside. Remember, negative emotions are toxic. They have to be let out. 

 

Letting go is never easy, but it can be done. Applying our acronym CARE can be helpful in doing this: C for cry, A for avoid, R for refocus, and E for Express. As I now bring this speech to a close, let me share a quote from Phil McGraw which I want to serve as an encouragement to those who are just learning the art of letting go and are struggling with it: "Stand up and walk out of your history." Thank you and take CARE.